Already got asked if we're dating
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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