FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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