dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize