True but thats because hes a fetus.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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