She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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