Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
