also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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