Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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