I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
