I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
