i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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