you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
