Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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