You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
