Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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