Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize