Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
