My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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