how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
