everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
