What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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