Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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