Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize