i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
