Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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