You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
