OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
