I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize