Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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