when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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