Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
