I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
