I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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