i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
