did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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