i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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