Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
