Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
