I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
