By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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