At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
