You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
