I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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