I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
