make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
