My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
