OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
