I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
