Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
