Got a toothbrush?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize