That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
