the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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