she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
