I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
