4 words: hood of his car
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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