I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
