what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize