the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
