So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
