Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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