Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
