By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
