Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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