It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
