Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
