Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize