i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
