I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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