i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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