tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
