If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
