His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
