when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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