hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
that may or may not have been my penis.
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