I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
