Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I can tuck mytits in my pants
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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