In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
