there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
