You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
