U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
