you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
