hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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