clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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