Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
