He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
