New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
