I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
