I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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