WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
