One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
