I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
