he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
