She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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