What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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