If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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