whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize