First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
