Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
