now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
