Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
